How to Deal With Trauma in Your Child's Life

If a child has suffered a significant loss or hurt, parents can help by making sure that his emotional issues are addressed. Do not postpone seeking help if you see that your child is withdrawn, irritable, or showing any of the other signs. Go with your instincts and seek help from a mental health professional if you see your child having adjustment problems after a traumatic event. Traumatic events can come into a child's life in many different forms.

The Death of a Family Member or Close Friend

Death is difficult for anyone to deal with. Sometimes parents themselves have difficulty dealing with death and want to spare their child from experiencing grief. However, just as death can not be prevented, grief also cannot be avoided if you lose someone you love.

When a child loses someone important to him, parents should make sure to include him in the grieving process. Some parents feel that they are being kind to the child by shielding him and excluding him from the mourning process. But unprocessed grief, hidden in the dark and left to fester, may well grow into a serious emotional wound that may take extraordinary measures to heal years later. I encourage parents to let their children be full participants in the grieving process and have a chance to say good-bye to their loved one.

Divorce or Parents' Separation

Sometimes children feel that they are responsible for their parents' divorce or separation. They may think, "If I had been better behaved..., If I got better grades in school..., If I had done my chores..., If I did not fight with my sisters and brothers..., If I were pretty / handsome/ smart/athletic/funny... maybe Mom and Dad would still be together." In my practice, I have counseled numerous children who spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get their parents back together, and it is always a challenge to help them realize that the parental split was the result of factors outside of their control.

In other instances, parents have brought their children to me when they were starting the process of separation or divorce, just to make sure their children would have support available to them during a difficult time. When parents are going through a divorce, they are likely to be under great stress, so when their children need them most, it is hard for them to be there for them. Having a counselor available to meet with a child can help him to communicate his feelings and provide a place to work out the emotional difficulties. How much better it is to go through this short-term process than to find out later that big problem were not effectively addressed and now have become even bigger problems.